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Three Words to describe my parents
Kind, funny, loving, helpful, caring, happy, fun. These are some of the words adopted children used to describe their parents.
As you can see, being an adoptive parent requires the same characteristics as any other parent. However, adopted children will have many unmet needs from their early experiences and will require a little bit extra from their adoptive family.
You’ll be provided with the support you and your family require as you go through the process to become approved adopters, right through to placement and beyond.
Having a positive attitude, patience, resilience, and a sense of humour will give you a good baseline to becoming an adoptive parent and see you through the challenges and rewards of adoption.
Here is what our team said they look for in prospective adopters.
Patience, playful, empathetic, accepting, sense of humour, resilient, resourceful, and committed.
If you are considering adoption and some of the characteristics above describe you; why not get in touch with us to learn more.
Here are some more responses we’ve received from adoptive families who shared their three words with us.
Jillian and John
Mum and Dad
Adopted at age: 2 years
Child age now: 9 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Artist
Ross and Dean
Dadi and Dadi
Adopted at age: 4 years
Child age now: 7 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Quarry lorry driver
Trudy and Edward
Mum and Dad
Adopted at age: 26 months
Child age now: 21 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Successful at life
Sarah and Gareth
Mummy and Daddy
Adopted at age: 5 years
Child age now: 8 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
A normal kind person
Sarah
Mummy
Adopted at age: 20 Months
Child age now: 8 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
A YouTuber
Ruth
Mami
Adopted at age: 1 years
Child age now: 11 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Prima Ballerina
Sarah and Al
Mummy and Daddy
Adopted at age: 13 months
Child age now: 10 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Horse Trainer
Adopted at age: 5 months
Child age now: 7 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Policeman
Cathy
Mami
Adopted at age: 3 years
Child age now: 14 years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Professional rugby player
Adopted at age: 2 Years
Child age now: 13 Years
What do they want to be when they grow up?
Police Officer in the dog section
What does Life Journey work mean for me and my son?
Blog: What does Life Journey work mean for me and my son?
Adoptive parents are encouraged to talk about their children’s life journey with them. It can be a powerful way of helping them explore and understand their history, gives them a better sense of their identity and why they were adopted.
We spoke to Nicola, who is a single adopter from Mid and West Wales about how she introduced her son’s history with him, what tips she’d give to other adopters and anyone starting out on their adoption journey. Here’s what she had to say.
Can you tell us a bit more about your life story journey?
Life story work I believe is critical for the adopted child, but also for me as an adoptive parent. I adopted my son at the age of seven months, so he has no knowledge at all of life without me. To some people this may seem perfect, or people who don’t understand adoption may think it great and the child doesn’t need to know anything, but for me it reinforced that I needed to really focus on the life journey work, so my son knew who he was growing up from a young age.
Almost immediately, before my son even moved home, I wondered (or worried) when is the right time to start talking about the life story? How and when do you tell a child they are adopted? How do you even explain adoption to a child who has no memory of life without you as their parent? Being a single adopter, I also worried about how to explain to my child that he only has a mummy.
After thinking it through I decided day one, at the age of seven months, was the best time for me to start talking about the life journey and adoption. It may seem crazy to talk about this to a baby, but I couldn’t envisage one day saying to my son, by the way your adopted.
Have you maintained contact with your son’s Foster Carers?
We kept in close contact with my son’s Foster Carers and whenever we visited, I would say things like “remember when you used to have a bath in here” taking him up to the bathroom. At first, he didn’t reply as he couldn’t talk, as he got older, he used to say yes and would tell me what he played in the bath, clearly all imagined, and then one day on a visit when he was two, before I said anything he told me “Mummy I used to have a bath here” and “mummy I used to sleep in that room”. Whether or not he had processed this information or not I don’t know, but he had registered and remembered that he once lived in this house, which was a good start as far as I was concerned.
Were you given a life story book for your son?
From a young age I told my son that he didn’t grow in mummy’s tummy. Again, at first, he wouldn’t have understood, but it was being reinforced somewhere inside his brain. When he was three, he pulled up his top and said to his Nanny, pointing at his tummy button, “Nanny this is from when I was a baby, but I didn’t grow in my mummy’s tummy, I grew in someone else’s tummy”. When I was told this, I felt so proud of my son, at the age of three, completely unprompted, walking home from the shop he understood something. Understanding ‘something’ meant to me that when I progress the conversation further then there won’t be big shocks for my son.
I then worked with the Adoption Team to produce the Life Story book. The Adoption Team were great and asked me for lots of photos of me and my son together, my son in places familiar to him now, with his extended family, pets, toys and even asked what he liked. I gave the team lots (a ridiculous amount!) of information about us and they also had photos and information from my son’s first seven months. Importantly the Adoption Team also had a photo of my son with his Birth mother. The book is worded using language I would use every day with my child, and I was asked to proof-read the book and make whatever changes I felt necessary.
The final book is fantastic, it starts by being all about my son now, so it is safe and known to him. It then goes back to the beginning and includes lots of photos of him as a baby, the Foster Carers and the birth mother. Finally, the book moves through the few years that we have already had together. The book contains lots of photos, but also words providing more explanation.
My son loves “The book about (son’s name)” as he calls it. We often sit down and look at the book together. Some days my son will just look at the pages about him now, and completely skip the pages about him as a baby and the birth mother, and that to me is fine, that is him looking at what is important to him on that day and what he can / wants to relate to and being only three I want to be guided by him and have conversations at his pace. On other occasions he will look at the photos of the birth mother, and will say, I grew in her tummy. Just hearing him say that is enough for me at this age, it shows me that my son already understands something. I have on several occasions asked my son if he has any questions when we get to photos of him as a baby or the birth mother, but his questions are only ever queries such as “did I like monster trucks as a baby as well?”, and that’s also ok, because he knows he can ask me questions, and as he gets older I am sure the questions will progress. I also try to add little snippets of information when we look at the book, just tiny extra bits of information about the birth mother so as not to overwhelm him, sometimes this is received well, other times he turns the page.
What challenges do you face as a parent, when it comes to your son’s life journey?
There are always challenges trying to talk about life journey work, even with a three-year-old. Through our choice we have very regular contact with the Foster Carers and my son knows he lived in their house as a baby. However, one day when looking at his book I explained foster care to my son and explained to him it was really kind of Foster Carer One and Two to look after him until he could move home with mummy. My son was horrified and declared that it was not nice of them at all, it was very horrible of them. I very quickly realised that he didn’t understand and was worried that he may have to go back and live there, or they had taken him from mummy. I first reassured him that he was going to live with mummy forever and ever, and then we talked about foster care. Finally, my son then agreed it was very lovely of his Foster Carers to look after him until he could move home with mummy.
Would you recommend any resources to help other adopters?
The other work I have done with my son is to buy some adoption and family books. I bought several books about families and adoption, which demonstrate to him that families can be different and explain adoption, such as saying “you needed a family to love you, I had lots of love to give you” etc. Whilst he will look at these with me, he does protest, and therefore they are looked at only occasionally. However, as I am working through the assessment process for adoption number two, I bought books about adopting a sibling, and these have been more of a hit with my son, and we have been able to discuss why some children are adopted and about finding the right family.
The life journey book has been invaluable to helping my son understand his story so far. Having a photo of the birth mother and some information about her I feel will help him when he is older. We also have the later life letters, but they are safely put away for when my son is much older.
Life Journey work has been a rollercoaster already. Some of the things I have worried about most such as talking about the birth mother have been accepted most readily, and some of what I thought would be simple like the Foster Carers evoked the biggest reaction.
My son is almost four and moved home over three years ago. He doesn’t know his background yet, but he knows he didn’t grow in my tummy and knows the photo of his birth mother and some very basic snippets about her. My son knows what adoption is, he adores his foster carers, he knows he is living with mummy forever and ever, that he can ask or tell me anything, and that mummy loves him more than anything else in the world. For me at this stage this is enough, I will add to his life story as he gets older, in an age-appropriate manner, not overwhelming him, and when I believe he is old enough to understand and process the information.
In relation to life story work, What advice would you give to anyone who has just started the adoption process
- From my experience the most critical thing about life journey work is that it is never too early to talk about the life journey with a child. The child’s history is part of them, and you can never take that away or should never want to. The first conversation may seem daunting but having a chat with seven-month-old who cannot talk back is so much easier than the thought of having it with a six-year-old for the first time! My experience with my child is that children are full of surprises!
- I would advise that you are always open and honest with your child, but in an age-appropriate manner to protect them, help them understand and not overwhelm them. I have always remembered that a three-year-old has no filter. Therefore, whilst being honest, I need to remember that what I say is likely to be repeated, and in order to keep my son safe, details may need to be kept until he is older. This is his life story and not mine to tell, but at the same time what he repeats at a very early age, he may not want shared when he is older. Frequently once information is out it cannot be taken back.
- My other advice is to work with Social Services to get the right Life Journey book for you and your child. The book needs to be in your language, and it should be age appropriate to your child now otherwise it will be hard to use. I believe my son likes his book because the first few pages are reinforcing positive secure messages to him; is about him now with me, his future, rather than starting at day one as a baby which he does not remember or may be negative for some children. Having a good book that you and your child will use, like we have is so critical to me.
What has adoption meant to your life
Adoption has meant everything to me. I have the most amazing son and I am now in assessment stage to go through adoption for a second time. We have an amazing relationship with my child’s Foster Carers, and I have met new friends and learnt so much along the way.
I would say that in one way I don’t think about the adoption on a day-to-day basis, my son to me is no different to a biological son, and I certainly don’t ever look at him and think of him as adopted. We lead a normal life, whatever normal is. My son is my child, and I am his mummy. However, on the other hand adoption is always on your mind, the life journey work, the unknowns as he grows up and develops, discussions with teachers, anticipating questions, especially around times such as Father days being a single adopter, and so much more.
Adoption changed my life for the better. Whilst there are challenges along the way, in addition to the challenges faced by many other parents, I wouldn’t change a thing. I have already had so many wonderful moments with my child. I wake up every morning to his little voice saying good morning mummy (at a ridiculous time) and just hearing that little voice so happy to see me and call me mummy, is enough to put a smile on my face for the rest of the day. There are children out there that need a loving and secure home and providing that to a child, doesn’t only offer them a chance of a happy future, but in my experience enriches your life massively.
We hope Nicola’s story has highlighted the importance of doing life journey work with adopted children and demonstrated how it can help strengthen relationships and children’s trust in adults. If the story has inspired you to consider adoption, then we’d love to hear from you.
A NEW campaign launched by the National Adoption Service for Wales hopes to encourage more people to adopt those children waiting the longest.
At any one time there are approximately 119 children waiting to be adopted in Wales, with 29 of those children waiting for nine months or more.
For boys, sibling groups, children over three, and those with complex early histories, the wait to find a forever home can last a long time.
On average, siblings wait 135 days more than individual children to be adopted. For many prospective parents the thought of adopting two or more children can raise concerns about affordability and physical space.
But a new campaign launched by National Adoption Service for Wales aims to encourage more people to adopt those who have been waiting the longest.
Suzanne Griffiths, Director of the National Adoption Service for Wales, says: “We know from research conducted within adoption services in Wales that myths in relation to age and gender continue to exist; some prospective adopters believe that younger children present with fewer issues and others feel that girls are easier to care for.
“This is not always the case as all children have different needs and experiences and often the quieter child can be harder to work with.
“Sometimes we know less about the experiences of a younger child whereas we might have more detailed knowledge where an older child is concerned. For these older children we are often in a better position to predict any future support needs should they require it.”
“We successfully place children from all age groups, genders, backgrounds and circumstances, unfortunately older children, boys, sibling groups and children with additional needs can potentially wait that bit longer.”
“We actively encourage people to consider all children when coming into the adoption process.”
The National Adoption Service and its regional teams support everyone affected by adoption, working with birth parents and relatives, adoptive parents, and professionals to make sure that a child’s best interests are placed at the centre of every adoption.
In their powerful new TV ad we follow the story of a seven-year-old child as he is matched with his new family.
The emotive advert opens with a young boy greeting his adopted father wearing every item of his clothing, including a bobble hat and gloves, yellow wellies and bright blue goggles.
The ad – featuring actors – reveals how the child has been moved around a lot and that it may take a while to come out of his shell.
We watch as the little boy struggles to eat beans on toast with gloves on and how difficult it is to score a goal in wellies.
Eventually, the boy feels safe enough to take off his protective clothing, able to eat popcorn and watch a movie with his dad.
The ad ends with both father and son happily wearing a pair of goggles, with the words ‘Choose adoption. Choose family.’
The advert is based on real-life experiences of adoption across Wales – including Clare and Gareth who adopted a sibling group through Vale, Valley and Cardiff Adoption in 2016.
Clare explains: “Our son wore his swimming goggles every single day, everywhere he went from the day he moved in until the rubber straps perished and fell apart.”
On the advert Suzanne Griffiths says: “We hope the new TV advert will assist people thinking about adoption to understand that children who have experienced a difficult or challenging start in life have often developed their own ways of coping and therefore need time, patience and support to help them to settle into their new families.
“Some settle easier than others but what’s important is that they are enabled to do so at their own pace. The National Adoption Service offers support to all new and established families to assist with those early adjustments, and throughout their lifelong journey as a family.
National Adoption Service is asking people to share images of themselves wearing goggles on social media #ChooseFamily and to reveal the moments that made their family @nas_cymru to encourage others to choose to adopt.
For more information about adoption, visit https://adoptcymru.com/choose-family/
Congratulations to the winners of our ‘What kind of superhero are you?’ Competition
Our winners for the ‘What kind of Superhero are you?’ Competition have been chosen. We received a wonderful variety of entries and our judging panel thoroughly enjoyed looking at each piece that was entered. Thank you to everyone who entered and congratulations to all of our winners. To view our winning entries and to read the judges’ comment please click here.
* Please note that personal information within our winning entries have been anonymised for confidentiality purpose. This includes changing names of people, pets and places.
Age 4-7 winner
“I love the way they have included their whole fam“I love the way they have included their whole family as superheroes. I particularly like how the family are flying high over the colourful rainbow and bright shiny sun.”
“This is a beautiful drawing. I see that you’ve put a lot of thought and effort into this drawing. It’s very colourful and bright. This drawing made me feel really happy. I love that you’ve added so many big smiles and bright colours.”
“Lots of colour and smiley faces. Nice to see that the family are the superheroes and not just one person.”
Age 8-10 winner -drawing
“WOW! The attention to detail in this picture is very impressive. I love all the little details in the robot and how it carries the bot baby in its pouch. Chief engineer storm looks like he could fix anything with his tools on his belt and then the amazing super drone with 4 propellers to help it fly high, I can see from this picture they make a great super team.”
“Fantastic drawing, amazing detail. Liked the super drones and the baby pouch. I think it gives a sense of the child’s personality and thinking about what makes a superhero.”
“Great picture. You have clearly put in a lot of work into to this drawing and it’s paid off. I like that you added so much detail, and the colouring is really neat. You are a great artist!”
Age 8-10 winner – poem
“I really enjoyed listening to this poem. It made realise that we all have the ability to be superheroes just like this “secret hero”. I loved how even though he is a superhero he let us all know that even heroes sometimes make mistakes and that’s ok. I also put too much garlic in my spaghetti bolognaise, so we have that in common!”
“This piece about being a superhero was great fun. I thought the child set out really well what makes a superhero, including thinking about his impact on other people.”
“Something different visually and explained in a thoughtful way of what a Superhero should be.”
Thank you to everyone who entered, here are some more entries.
12 days of Playfulness
Relationship Based Play (RBP) is a child and family therapy for building and enhancing attachment, self-esteem, trust in others, and joyful engagement. It is based on the natural patterns of playful, healthy interaction between parent/carer and child and is personal, physical, and fun!
These 12 days of Playfulness ideas are some activities that you can try and will enhance your approach of using RBP. If you do it wrong, it is just play which is great for your children! The activities need your imagination to add detail and are not competitive but playful and fun!
Enjoy!
Day 1 (13th December)
Snowball fight with scrunched up toilet paper or cotton wool.
Keep hold of the snowballs to use in other games we have planned in the coming days.
Day 2 (14th December)
Create your own elf to put up on the wall.
Get your child to lay still on a large sheet of paper (or multiple sheets stuck together). Draw an outline of our child and colour in together.
Don’t forget to leave room for your little elf’s hat and share your creations with us.
Day 3 (15th December)
Snowball cup game.
Simply place paper cups on the floor/table and take in turns to throw scrunched up toilet paper or cotton wool.
Day 4 (16th December)
Why not make a Christmas present out of your child, by wrapping their body in wrapping paper and getting them to break out – Don’t forget the bow on top.
Or alternatively turn them into a snowman by wrapping toilet roll around them and again getting them to break out.
Day 5 (17th December)
Sing a Christmas song as a family and including your child’s name in the song.
“(Child’s name) the snowman was a jolly happy soul,
With a corncob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal.”
Day 6 (18th December)
Build a den/grotto.
Creating a space where your child/ren can feel safe, during the big build up a week before Christmas. Use the den as a good hiding place for hide and seek.
Day 7 (19th December)
Snowball Basketball
Make a hoop out of your arms and take it in turns to shoot some hoops with scrunched up toilet roll or cotton wool
Day 8 (20th December)
This little Reindeer.
Just like ‘This little piggy’ nursery rhyme, add a festive twist by incorporating Santa’s reindeer.
Day 9 (21st December)
Go on a festive scavenger hunt
How many of these decorations can you spot near your home?
Christmas Tree; Festive lights on a house; Snowman; Santa; Snowman; Reindeer
Day 10 (22nd December)
Santa Balloon tennis
Decorate a balloon as Father Christmas and/or Rudolph, and gently knock back and forth keeping the balloon from hitting the floor.
Day 11 (23rd December)
Snowball blow
Take it in turns to blow cotton wool, back and forth with your child. This is a great exercise for children to self-regulate.
Day 12 (24th December)
Measuring and feeding.
Why not use string fruit sweets to measure your child’s smile.
If adoption is something you have considered, but want to learn more, please contact us for an informal discussion. We’ll support you every step of the way and help to create your golden moments of becoming a family.
You can get in touch by phone 0300 30 32 505 or email adoptionenquiries@carmarthenshire.gov.uk
CHILD TRUST FUND – Was your Child Born between 01/09/2002 and 02/01/2011?
Most children born in the UK between the above dates should have an individual Child Trust Fund (CTF) account open in their name, ready for when they reach age 18.
The Government (in 2002) set up the Child Trust Fund to encourage children to save money and gave them a head start by investing a sum of money to get them started, which they can access at age 18.
This was a new initiative in asset-based welfare, and a subsequent government stopped providing it in 2011.
For most children born between September 2002 and January 2011 the Government put £250 into a Child Trust Fund at birth and topped this up with a further £250 when the child reached 7 years of age. These amounts were doubled for children in families in receipt of Child Tax Credit.
The original accounts should have been set up by their Birth Parents (using the child`s Birth Name). If they didn’t do this (for whatever reason), the government (Inland Revenue) set up a CTF account for the child as an HMRC-allocated account, using a range of account providers.
There are complications for adopted children and young people. Adoptive parents could have had the ‘registered contact’ status for the account transferred to themselves after an adoption order was granted, but there may have been complications with change of name etc. Adoptive parents were able to make contributions to these accounts over the years. If your child is under 18 there could still be opportunities to do this.
Most of these accounts were invested in the stock market, so many have accumulated growth over the years, and may now potentially be worth £1,000 or more.
Eligible teenagers aged 16 – 18 can take control of these accounts, at any time following their 16th Birthday – and can, for example, choose which account they wish their CTF to be invested in.
However only the young person can withdraw money from their account (after their 18th Birthday), and legally they are entitled to spend the money in any way they choose. Parents may advise them to use it wisely – e.g., invest it for when they are older – but the law states they have the right to withdraw it and spend it in any way they decide.
Should adopters (or adopted young people over age 16) wish to discover where these accounts are (i.e., which account provider they are with) I suggest they contact The Share Foundation (also known as ‘Sharefound’), which is a registered charity and works for the Department for Education as the organisation running the CTF and Junior ISA schemes for young people in care.
The Share Foundation also provides regular virtual events providing and discussing more details of above, which can be attended by young people aged 16 and over, parents, foster carers and professionals.
For details of these (and to access advice) visit https://findctf.sharefound.org or you can ring them on 01269 310400. When using the search facility remember that the young person should have their National Insurance number at hand (provided by HMRC just after their 16th birthday).
For children born after 02/01/2011 parents can currently open Junior ISAs on their children’s behalf, but government contributions are now only made for looked-after children and young people.
Vacant Post – Adoption Support Worker
Adoption Support Worker
(Fixed Term contract up to 31/03/2022 due to grant funding)
Regional Post – Location Negotiable
24 hours per week
£22,183* – £25,991* (Grade F) *pro rata
Closing Date: 16/11/2021
This is an opportunity to join a well-performing , vibrant regional adoption service to play a leading role in developing support services for adoptive families in the region.
The post includes working with colleagues as well as families affected by adoption focusing on reviewing adoption support and contact plans to ensure they are in line with the child’s needs. The adoption service uses a trauma-informed approach. There will be opportunities to undertake relevant training in order to develop the necessary skills and knowledge.
The post is grant funded, however, the funding is likely to continue after 31/03/2022.
This is a regional post but the base will be negotiated dependent on where you live and the need to provide services across the region.
Conversational Welsh is required to accomplish this post. Support can be provided on appointment to reach this level.
For an informal discussion please contact Frances Lewis 07733 102311.
A Disclosure and Barring Service (DBS) check will be requested for this post.
As part of the Council’s Policy and Procedure it is now a requirement that employees must register with the DBS Update Service for which there is an annual subscription fee of £13 borne by the individual. The Authority will pay for the initial DBS check.
eLearning Courses for Adopters
Adoption Mid & West Wales continue to offer eLearning courses for our adopters to complete in the comfort of one’s own home and to do in their own time. These courses have been created and developed by two learning platforms, KCA and ACEducation. The online courses aim to develop knowledge, skills and reflection as a part of the adopters ongoing learning journey.
All online courses are free to Mid and West Wales adopters. Please contact us via email if you are interested in completing a course at adoptiontraining@carmarthenshire.gov.uk
Halloween Fun Pack
The Adoption Support Team has created this pack of fun and easy Halloween activities that you can do at home! DOWNLOAD NOW!
We would love to see all your creative ideas too so please send in photos of your Halloween fun, creations and activities so that we can add them to our Halloween Blog! EMAIL