“We have a place for more than one child in our home and hearts!”

Background

We had both discussed and agreed that if IVF did not work for us after one or two turns, we would start the adoption process as we were confident that we could give a loving and safe home for a child or children!

The adoption process

The adoption process proved very challenging at times, but we didn’t expect it to be easy!  A few parts moved smoothly and fairly slickly, but of course because of the difficult and sensitive nature of adoption – there were periods of delay awaiting decisions from others or waiting for the court to go through the necessary steps.  We had an amazing social worker, who advised and mentored us throughout the process.  It encouraged us to consider what was always best for us, and there was one period when we had to consider if we were able to stay with the “match”.  We decided after a lot of discussion and consideration, that the two little ones were worth waiting for.

Deciding to Adopt siblings

The decision to consider adopting siblings was an easy one in terms of our wish to keep siblings together and from a practical point of view, that we have a place for more than one child in our home and hearts!  The conversations we had with our Social Worker also helped us to be confident in our decision.

When they moved to live with us

Almost two years immediately after we submitted the adoption application form, two small whirlwinds arrrived at our house, and turned it into a noisy and happy home full of wonderful mess!  Obviously, this was a complete change of world for us and for them, and the first few weeks of being together were tiring, fun, tiring, challenging and tiring!  There was plenty of support during the introductions and settling in period and we maintained contact with the foster family in order to support the children and ourselves.  The children were coping well with a new family, location and language and we are sure that the fact that they are together is of a huge benefit and support to them. Within three months both had settled well with us and in the area and became bilingual toddlers.

Support network

We have been lucky to know other families in the area, so that has given us the opportunity to discuss, inquire and compare notes every now and then, especially if something challenging has come across us.  We would advise anyone to make use of support networks, informal or formal and our social worker has always been there for us if necessary and if any difficult issues arise in the future, I know that we have the support.

Life story

Every so often questions arise from the children about their past, sometimes the question arises unexpectedly and we must respond agilely and positively.  We reinforce positive but honest messages and use pictures and names.  We have also created a picture of a tree showing the roots beneath the soil, their growth and the family and friends that surround them which is now growing.

From day one to the present day, we wouldn’t change anything about the two whirlwinds, our family!

If you think you could give a loving home to a sibling group, then we would love to hear from you. Please contact us to find out more information about the process.

Telephone 0300 30 32 505, or email adoptionenquiries@carmarthenshire.gov.uk

June is LGBT+ Pride month, and to celebrate, we are sharing the adoption story of one of our same sex couples, Tom and Lee, who adopted their little boy, who was 1 years old.

Here at Adoption mid and West Wales, there are no barriers when it comes to welcoming the lgbt+ community to be assessed as adopters.

We’ve approved a number of new families from the lgbt+ community over the last few years and here’s what Tom and Lee had to say about their adoption journey.

As a same sex couple who always wanted to have a family of their own, adoption was always our first choice. Together we had a firm understanding of children’s needs through working with LAC children and coming from large families. We knew that we could meet the needs of an adopted child and knew that we could offer a loving, stable forever home. From the get-go we were welcomed with open arms by Mid and West Wales Adoption Team. From the initial phone-call we felt listened to, and that their approach was far more in-depth than the other agencies we had approached. For us we wanted the process to be thorough and for no stone to be unturned as inevitably we wanted to find the best match for us and for our child.

Like all couples considering adoption, research was our first step into this seemingly terrifying world of adoption. There are some fantastic books, podcasts and blog posts out there. Try and connect with other adopters and make sure you enter the process with an open mind. We will all approach the process with our own misconceptions, however keeping an open mind and being reflective is our top tip. Make time to listen and consider different angles and perspectives. You may have heard that the assessment process is scary, and your social worker will stare deeply into your soul, however this isn’t quite the case. Be honest, be reflective and you will wholeheartedly, weirdly enjoy some elements. You may even come out the other end knowing yourself and your partner better. It really is like free therapy!

The process definitely becomes emotionally draining and building a support network and having a supportive family is important when this happens. Our family members attended the family training course and found it very informative and helpful. Additionally, you will meet some fantastic families through adoption who will remain great friends for a lifetime. You may even meet these people on your preparation course. We remember the relief as a same sex couple after seeing another same sex couple on our training. There is something comforting about not being the only ones for sure.

After the training, it was full steam ahead with the assessments, panels and matching. Your journey will be very personal to you and no adoption journey is the same. Trust your social worker and make sure you approach every decision together as a couple. Times will be tough and it will be an emotional rollercoaster. However, no matter the hurdles it will all be worth it when you hear the pitter-patter of little feet in your house for the first time or the first time you open the door and realise that there’s a little persons shoes lying next to yours.

If you are interested in adoption and want to learn more, please visit our website dev.adoptionmwwales.org.uk or get in touch by phone 0300 30 32 505 or email adoptionenquiries@carmarthenshire.gov.uk

We are also on Facebook @adoptmwwales and Twitter @adoptmw_wales